im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
