You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
