I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
