so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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