just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
