i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
