Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
