I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
