In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
