He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
