Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
