No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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