Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
