you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
