so that wasnt chicken after all
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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