I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
