I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
