I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
