so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
