He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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