I want to have your abortion
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
