so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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