I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
