Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize