So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
