I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize