i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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