i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
