i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
