she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
