Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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