I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
People in love make me want to vomit
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
