I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
