haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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