and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize