My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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