I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
