i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dude. I can hear the air.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
