Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
