Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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