I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
