call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
