she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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