In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
