so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
