There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
