I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
