Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize