Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
