does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How does it feel to date your dad?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
