I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize