Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
