At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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