What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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