Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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