I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
