he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
