was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize