My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
