I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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