im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
