Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
