I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
