If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
