when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
