I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
