i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize