I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
