I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
