fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
