So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
