Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
