There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize