also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
