I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish you could order shots online.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
