Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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