Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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