He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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