Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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