yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
