As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
