I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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