And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
