I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize