So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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