you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
