You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
