I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
