if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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