Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
