im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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