she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
