kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
