There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
