I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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