Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
